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A Very Sad Day for Me

Sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you will (in time) forgive the girlfriend. A person that takes their own life had many things to deal with. She was just one.....

My heart and prayers go out to you and yours.
 
Ruggybuggy said:
Me and my wife drove down to Florida to get away from the cold and snow for the next month. I got the bike loaded into the truck and in three days we are down here with my inlaws enjoying the weather and I'm planning a 3-4 day tour on the bike of northern Florida and southern Georgia. On Sunday afternoon I get a call from my mother telling me my brother took his life by suicide. He hung himself in a shed at the back of the house. He had a fight with his girl friend and she left the house overnight and came back in the afternoon to find him. My brother had made many bad choices in his life and the girlfriend he chose was one of the worst which ultimately led to his death. He had backed himself into a corner financially and emotionally and saw no way out. He was 53 years old. He was my big brother and was always there for me. If I needed his help he was there no questions asked. I have lost that. When he left he has taken a big part from me. I no longer feel whole. I thank God I'm out of town because I know if I had to confront his ex girlfriend it would not end well. My brother had pleaded with her that day not to go out for the night drinking and spending the little money they had. She knew he was valnurable and she left anyway. Our family is one of honesty and compassion for others. My parents have done many good deeds for strangers. They raised my sister, my brother and myself to be compassionate to others. I have found the limit to my compassion. My parents told me not to come back home and spend my time in Florida, there is nothing that I can do back home. I feel that that is probably for the best because if I'm at home and I cross paths with her it would not end well. My brother is to be cremated and the service will be held when I get back. I have three weeks to heel and try to forgive and I pray to God that I can accomplish this. We live in a small town and I'm fearful I may cross paths with her. I emailed her and told her that I will never forgive her and never make contact with my family or myself. If you see me coming move to the other side of the street.

I sorry for sharing this with everyone here. I've talked to my wife about this and that has helped but I have a hate for this women that is deep and dark. Nothing I've ever experience. I've prayed for strength and I know time will heel.

Thanks for listening.
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My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

Like Mark Twain's Quote says, “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” Your dearly departed brother's girlfriend is one of those people that Mark Twain tried to warn us all about.
 
Papamike said:
Hard to be in the head of someone who commits suicide to really understand.
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It's a deep dark place that some of us may visit at some point/s of our lives, hopefully not for many of you. I've been down that road many times before and turned back from just as many times.

Feelings of darkness, loneness, desperation, and being trapped are a few of the directions that the Suicide GPS uses to lead one down that darkened roadway to oblivion. Many cries for “Help” are sent out and sometimes are unheard. These compound over time until a cross is reached. That is the time that the person is most vulnerable and needs someone to put out there hand to lead them out of the darkness.

I hope that is this not out of line here. I just wanted to answer the question from the prospective of someone that was faced with situation many times before.
 
Brillot2000 said:
It's a deep dark place that some of us may visit at some point/s of our lives, hopefully not for many of you. I've been down that road many times before and turned back from just as many times.

Feelings of darkness, loneness, desperation, and being trapped are a few of the directions that the Suicide GPS uses to lead one down that darkened roadway to oblivion. Many cries for “Help” are sent out and sometimes are unheard. These compound over time until a cross is reached. That is the time that the person is most vulnerable and needs someone to put out there hand to lead them out of the darkness.

I hope that is this not out of line here. I just wanted to answer the question from the prospective of someone that was faced with situation many times before.
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Thanks you for that post.
 
Brillot2000 said:
NO PROBLEM!!! :eek:

I hope what I said has brought you some sort of comfort to deal with this situation.
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It has helped immeasurably. When my brother decided this it was a decision made in around 6 hours. Totally unexpected. I had talked to him two days before and not a hint. He said he would plow my driveway when I was away. He had talked to my dad about 6 hours before and not a hint of a problem. Then had a fight with his girlfriend, she left and he killed himself. Not even a note.

You take care of yourself.
 
So sorry for your loss. For now try to go for a walk and enjoy the sounds of the waves on the beach while you try to stay positive and remember the good times with your brother... Go riding when you feel that you need too.
 
Ruggybuggy said:
It has helped immeasurably. When my brother decided this it was a decision made in around 6 hours. Totally unexpected. I had talked to him two days before and not a hint. He said he would plow my driveway when I was away. He had talked to my dad about 6 hours before and not a hint of a problem. Then had a fight with his girlfriend, she left and he killed himself. Not even a note.

You take care of yourself.
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Not to add fuel to the fire, whatever his girlfriend said to him that evening was the last bit he needed to carryout the deed. I can tell you this from experience. All is needed is that one last reason when your standing there looking at the edge looking into the abyss.

Again. I'm sorry if this has offended you in any way, however this is a fact that can get someone act on those thoughts. Fortunately for me, I did not receive those last few reasons over the years to carry anything out.

THX!!! :eek:

I've had a few dark hours in the past few months, as I will be losing my job of 16 years here soon. I loved that job and enjoyed what I did. It was all taken away from me, all my equipment and tools we liquidated. I've been going into work for the past few months everyday to do nothing To some, that does not sound that bad. It is, if you're a "Doer" like me. The truth is that I feel like a hostage for 9 hours a day.

I've been seeing a therapist to help me through these rough emotional times. The stresses of looking another job since September do not seem to help with those feelings either. I hope to land something here soon, however it will not be anything like I did before and what I enjoyed so much for all those years.

I have a different view regarding this all now. I use that time at work to search the web for other job opportunities. I've put out at least 100 applications and gone out on 5 on-site interviews since September. I have a family of 3.5 (including the dog) that rely in me. "The needs of the many, out weigh the needs of the few." I cannot let them down. I must prevail over this and will be victorious in the end. It's not going at the speed that I desire to get there, but I will get there.
 
Man, that is terrible. I am so saddened that your family is having to endure this tragedy.

It sounds like you are leaning on God and that is a good thing. I would like to echo a couple of other points as well. First, there is no shame in getting counseling if you or a family member needs it.

Forgiveness is for you not for her. You don't even have to tell her you are forgiving her. Forgiveness is a process and you will probably have to forgive her repeatedly for some time to come. Your not ready yet, but I hope this helps when you are.

I will pray for you and your family.
 
I've had a similar situation in my family. My cousin. I think the biggest question in everyone’s mind was, why? We all obviously came up with ideas why it happened but nobody really knew. There are those obvious things we assumed caused the suicide but I’m sure there were hidden factors too. A grief counselor visited our family and talked about a bunch of stuff I no longer remember because I was young (in my teens). Everyone deals with grief differently. Some box it up inside and others wear their emotions on their sleeves. Unfortunately, there are those few that believe the world would be a better place without them.

The only advice I can give is don't spend any time trying to figure out why he did this. It was his way of dealing with a tough situation and nobody will ever understand why he made that choice. The fact is he did. The best thing you can do is come together as a family and support each other in these difficult times. Be there for your mother who is going to take this harder than anyone because she gave birth to him. Know that it is Ok to be sad and you shouldn't hold that back. It is good to talk to people or someone about how you’re feeling. Last thing. Don't be surprised if people back in your home town say negative things about the situation. Be prepared for that. I can remember people making remarks when I was a kid and it sometimes caused outbursts from family members that had not healed.

I'll pray for your family and I'm really sorry for your loss.
 
Brillot2000 said:
Not to add fuel to the fire, whatever his girlfriend said to him that evening was the last bit he needed to carryout the deed. I can tell you this from experience. All is needed is that one last reason when your standing there looking at the edge looking into the abyss.

Again. I'm sorry if this has offended you in any way, however this is a fact that can get someone act on those thoughts. Fortunately for me, I did not receive those last few reasons over the years to carry anything out.

THX!!! :eek:

I've had a few dark hours in the past few months, as I will be losing my job of 16 years here soon. I loved that job and enjoyed what I did. It was all taken away from me, all my equipment and tools we liquidated. I've been going into work for the past few months everyday to do nothing To some, that does not sound that bad. It is, if you're a "Doer" like me. The truth is that I feel like a hostage for 9 hours a day.

I've been seeing a therapist to help me through these rough emotional times. The stresses of looking another job since September do not seem to help with those feelings either. I hope to land something here soon, however it will not be anything like I did before and what I enjoyed so much for all those years.

I have a different view regarding this all now. I use that time at work to search the web for other job opportunities. I've put out at least 100 applications and gone out on 5 on-site interviews since September. I have a family of 3.5 (including the dog) that rely in me. "The needs of the many, out weigh the needs of the few." I cannot let them down. I must prevail over this and will be victorious in the end. It's not going at the speed that I desire to get there, but I will get there.[/QUOTE

You haven't offended me in any way. The insight of the other side has been very helpful in my understanding of the situation. You at least know there are people that need you and you will do terrible damage to your family if you leave. Stay strong. Leaving should never be considered and option. The pain my family and myself that my brother has put us through no words can describe.
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ronsaw said:
Deepest condolences to you and yours. I wish you healing and peace soon.
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I agree with ronsaw 110%. As a police office for many years I worked suicides. One of the big things I found with working with the families is that Writing affirmations is a proactive step. I know bereaved people who sat around and waited for someone to rescue them, a self-defeating idea. Affirmation writing can be a way to rescue yourself. As your collection of affirmations grows, life may start to look brighter. You are taking steps to heal yourself and this is empowering.
 
I have nothing to add except I'm human and feel your grief, anger, and anguish. It hurts and it's going to hurt for a while, perhaps a long while. But one day soon enough a memory of your brother will make you smile and it will hurt a little less.
 
So sorry to hear what happened RB. Including myself some good boys and girls here offering prayer and support. Don't forget the ride we talked about planning. Spring's right around the corner...:)
 
Last edited:
Wow! I can only say how sorry I am to hear this!

I hesitate to reply having not gone through something like this myself.
I think it is only natural to have feelings of anger towards the person you feel is responsible. I think it will take time for those feelings to reside.
I totally agree with what others have said about forgiveness not being for her, but for you. I do think that is going to take a bit of time if you are ever able to get to that place.

You mentioned you were raised to show compassion to others... and maybe the one thing you can do now for your brother is to try to find a way to use that compassion to help your Mother, and other friends and family through this unbearable time. It sounds like your brother made a quick emotional decision that he likely would not have followed through on, had he spent a few minutes thinking about how it would affect the family and friends he loved so much. If he could talk to you now... what do you think he might ask you to do to help ease the pain of those he has hurt so much?

I didn't know what to say in reply to your post.... to be honest I just prayed and asked for what I should say. I just hope it came out right.

I pray you find peace with this and all of your family and friends.
 
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