A Very Sad Day for Me

[Ruggybuggy]

Me and my wife drove down to Florida to get away from the cold and snow for the next month. I got the bike loaded into the truck and in three days we are down here with my inlaws enjoying the weather and I'm planning a 3-4 day tour on the bike of northern Florida and southern Georgia. On Sunday afternoon I get a call from my mother telling me my brother took his life by suicide. He hung himself in a shed at the back of the house. He had a fight with his girl friend and she left the house overnight and came back in the afternoon to find him. My brother had made many bad choices in his life and the girlfriend he chose was one of the worst which ultimately led to his death. He had backed himself into a corner financially and emotionally and saw no way out. He was 53 years old. He was my big brother and was always there for me. If I needed his help he was there no questions asked. I have lost that. When he left he has taken a big part from me. I no longer feel whole. I thank God I'm out of town because I know if I had to confront his ex girlfriend it would not end well. My brother had pleaded with her that day not to go out for the night drinking and spending the little money they had. She knew he was valnurable and she left anyway. Our family is one of honesty and compassion for others. My parents have done many good deeds for strangers. They raised my sister, my brother and myself to be compassionate to others. I have found the limit to my compassion. My parents told me not to come back home and spend my time in Florida, there is nothing that I can do back home. I feel that that is probably for the best because if I'm at home and I cross paths with her it would not end well. My brother is to be cremated and the service will be held when I get back. I have three weeks to heel and try to forgive and I pray to God that I can accomplish this. We live in a small town and I'm fearful I may cross paths with her. I emailed her and told her that I will never forgive her and never make contact with my family or myself. If you see me coming move to the other side of the street.

I sorry for sharing this with everyone here. I've talked to my wife about this and that has helped but I have a hate for this women that is deep and dark. Nothing I've ever experience. I've prayed for strength and I know time will heel.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Papamike]

Hard to be in the head of someone who commits suicide to really understand. Condolence to you and your family.

 

[Fuzzy]

So sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to you and your family.

 

[Deleted member 1183]

Sorry to hear of this.

 

[Deckyon]

Sorry to hear this and for your loss. There are really no words. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[bobcat]

When my wife's dad passed last year she found riding behind me very calming. Very sorry to hear of your brothers death. You however remain,along with friends and family that look up to you,so jump on that bike and ride until the pain start to slip a bit. Our prayers are with you and your family

 

[ziggie]

Sorry to hear,heal fast and ride faster.

 

[Ruggybuggy]

Thanks for everyone's kind words. I really do want to ride but have a problem. My mother is now worried sick about me and if something were to happen to me it would be very bad for her. Last year my grandmother past away and my mother is having a very hard time with it. She cries daily. Now that my brother has past she is inconsolable and I fear if anything happened to me it would be very bad for her. Just don't know what to do. I know that I have to "live my life" and my wife fully understands why I ride. It's in my blood.

 

[JoeZ]

Very, very sorry you're going through this pain. Don't underestimate the power of "time" ... In time you will realize things happen for a reason... Hoping your deep wounds heal soon. :-/)

 

[silverhound]

Sorry for your loss. I hope that you will be able to reconcile your feelings and recover some level of normalcy in your life once you have had time to grieve and consider your next steps.

 

[Vnc]

Thanks for everyone's kind words. I really do want to ride but have a problem. My mother is now worried sick about me and if something were to happen to me it would be very bad for her. Last year my grandmother past away and my mother is having a very hard time with it. She cries daily. Now that my brother has past she is inconsolable and I fear if anything happened to me it would be very bad for her. Just don't know what to do. I know that I have to "live my life" and my wife fully understands why I ride. It's in my blood.

Sorry for your loss...

When you don't know what to do with the NC, do nothing for now. The NC is a timeless motorcycle unlike the latest rocket machine. It will wait for you to make a decision.

 

[miss demeaner]

so sorry for your loss. its never easy to lose someone. sending positive energy and prayers for peace for you and your family.
when you are ready to ride you will. don't force it, that's when things happen.

 

[L.B.S.]

aww, so sorry for you and your family, man.

What Miss D says- positive vibes sent your way, mate. Stay strong.

 

[Del Mar]

Sorry for your loss mate in this tragic event. I know nothing about you, your family or your circumstances but it saddened me to read your account of events.

I can't say "I can understand how you feel" because I don't.

All the best, stay safe.

 

[Bullseye]

Sooo sorry for your loss. You have a huge void in your life now I am sure. Life is short and a person must make sure to TELL the ones he loves...he loves them. Remember the good and reflect on your good times with him !! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family !!

 

[John Doo]

Sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your family find the strength to carry this loss.

 

[OldJeff]

Losing a brother, either big or little, is something you never get over. It gets easier with time, but you know the empty space is still there.... I know how it feels and I'm sorry you now know it too. The day my little brother died, I totaled my car, please be careful.

 

[Konrad]

Sorry for your less. I wish your entire family the best of healing.

 

[Jelly]

Please accept my condolences RB, that sure is some shit news mate.

Oh, and no need to apologise for posting, a friendly forum with friendly folk like this will always have a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

My prayers are with you and your family. RIP.

 

[drdubb]

Don't be afraid to get a little help for yourself.